I O U

Nothing...

Nothing but my thanks and praise.

Nothing...

Nothing but my love and respect.

Nothing...

Nothing but my honesty and aid.

Nothing...

Nothing but my looks and features.



I owe you nothing.

Not my decisions or choices.

Nothing...

Not my life or loves.

Nothing...

Not my achievements or accomplishments.

Nothing...

Not my hardwork or stresses.


I do for myself and hope my decisions make you proud. But I do not owe them to you. I am not living for you. I am not you.

I owe you nothing.

Going Too Fast

So many turns that I can't see,

Like I'm a stranger on this road

But don't say victim...

Don't say anything.

Forever The Name On My Lips

I'm not in love.

I know I'm not.

But here I am - waiting. I am always waiting for you. I'm waiting for you to take notice to see what I always saw in you.

I'm waiting for you to see a picture of me and wish you were in it too.

I'm waiting for you to wait for a text, a phone call, an anything from me.

I'm waiting...

But I'm not in love.


So what am I waiting for?

I'm waiting for a love as intense as what we used to have.

I'm waiting for the sparks I got when we used to make love.

I am waiting for a love like I had with you.


I haven't found it yet.

So until then, I wait and waste my time with you and our memories - hoping, hoping someone will come and give me new ones.

Until then, I wait for you to want me as much as I've wanted you. I don't want the love. I want the validation.

I want you to feel the want I've felt for years.


Maybe then, I'll be able to turn my back and walk away.


Maybe then, we'll be even.

Darkened

It happens the same way every time...

You know the signs.

You walk into the darkness.

You follow his laugh.

It's so familiar, like a guiding light bringing you home.

It melts your heart.

And after all this time, raises goosebumps on your skin.

You're blinded by the darkness but you'll tackle it if it's the only pathway to him.

You get there.

He speaks.

The words you always longed to hear.

But the words that actions never cared to back up.

It's painful every time.

You doubt yourself every time.

But like every time, you'll follow his voice again into the darkness. 

Uploaded videos (playlist)

Pronouns

I am not "you" and though you may not understand - "you" is not a makeshift character.

"You" is "her" and "she" I will never be.

The flow of hurt that ebbs from your words,

the pain,

the stretch,

the outreach of hands that close on emptiness.

"You"

 "She" I will never be. 

You say there is "nothing"

But "nothing" seems to last forever.

How I long to change who I am,

No,

what I am.

To alter my pronoun

to become

"You"

Your words now lack pictures

Your pictures lack inspiration

Inspiration was "she"

"You"

The "you" I will never be.

So I paint this debacle the best way I know how.

In a picasso of sorts

But instead of shapes

I use pronouns.

I,

Her,

He,

She,

It,

Them

"You"

Composition Notebook

We are never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. - Walter Anderson 

Blank pages spew out of this torn notebook

Like trust, broken 

the pages continue to spill out, unstoppable.

They're words written on these lost pages

Words of love and happiness

but

the pages continue to spill out, unstoppable.

All my words

My precious memories

Now running wild across the floor

I have no choice but to close the book

Slam it shut

The front cover glares back at me

All the pages have been torn out

Nothing left to do but throw away the empty shell.

It's useless now.

All this "trust."